Gophers!

It's time the county, city, hospital and school declare war on gophers. It seems they inhabit property owned by all of the entities and they are messing things up pretty good around here.
Fair Park, Childress High School, Childress Junior High, Childress Cemetery, StoneyRidge Golf Course ... these varmints are taking their toll. And no one wants a cemetery and golf course with an infestation.
I know we don't have the resources to wage an expensive war, but there are ways to combat the situation.
If just one person associated with these entities conducted a few experiments testing inexpensive ways to rid ourselves of this problem, then shared with the rest, we could get these rodents to move on out or face extermination.
I thought I would help get the process started so I Googled "How to kill gophers?" and a wide variety of solutions popped up.
One of my favorites is the Juicy Fruit remedy. Supposedly, if you place a piece of Juicy Fruit near or in a hole, the gopher will consume it and it will kill him. They are unable to digest it.
Other remedies found but untried:
• Hook a hose up to an exhaust pipe and shove it into their tunnels.
• Place hot sauce or peppers in the newest hole. They don't like it and it will drive them away.
• Drop a fire cracker in the hole.
• Use poison.
• Trap them using spring traps placed over their "runs."
• Soak some rags in mint oil and place them in the holes.
• Watch the movie "Caddy Shack."
I have no idea if these ideas will work or not, but something needs to be done. If you have a proven remedy to this problem, please don't hesitate to let someone affiliated with one of our taxing entities know. Or you can log on to this column at the Web site below and place your remedy in the comments area.

Copyright Christopher Blackburn 2009