Born To Be An Idiot

I’m an idiot.
I thought about stopping my column right there as the statement may need no explanation.
Some days I’m more of an idiot than others. At least a half-dozen times this past week I’ve been a major league idiot.
The other day I spent ten minutes looking for my sunglasses (I need my sunglasses because my eyes are fairly sensitive to the sun). I searched high and low ... looked in my truck twice for them and checked all of the usual places in my office.
You have to understand I park a pretty good distance from my office so the trips back and forth take awhile.
As I decided I’d misplaced them for the time being, I finally headed out the door. I got in the truck and looked in the rearview mirror and BAM! There they sat right on top of my head.
Need more proof?
After solving the case of the missing sunglasses, I drove to Allsup’s to get some mints. I walk in to buy the mints ... low and behold, I don’t have any money.
“Where in the world did I leave my wallet?”
I excused myself from the store to check my truck. No wallet there either. It took me a couple of minutes to find and count the change I had located throughout my vehicle before I could afford the mints which were waiting on the counter for me.
As I sucked on a couple of mints, it donned on me where my wallet was so I went home to get it.
With my newly found wallet secured and my sunglasses affixed to my head, I decided to take the trash out on my way back to the office. As I rose up with the trash bag in hand, I hit my head on our pantry door jam. Nearly knocked myself smooth out.
By this time, I’m starting to wonder why in the world I even bothered getting out of bed.
Thinking I had all the bugs worked out, I went on to have a productive afternoon. However, my idiocy once again reared its ugly head.
Later that evening I went back to Allsup’s - this time for some milk and a bag of ice. I had my wallet on me so I paid for the items and headed out the door. As I got in my truck to leave, I noticed I was lacking my bag of ice. I nearly drove off to go to another store for the ice, but I braved my embarrassment and went back in to claim my purchase. I’m sure Tammy at Allsup’s must have thought I was losing my mind.
I use a lot of brainpower during the course of a week and get about five or six hours of sleep a night. As the weekend nears, I’m pretty much mush.
So, if you see me wondering around looking for my car keys when they’re in my hand, think nothing of it. It’s just me being an idiot.


Copyright Christopher Blackburn 2009